So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
