ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
