this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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