drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
