Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
