btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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