it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
