I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
