Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
