My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
