I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Two words: blizzard sex
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
