I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
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you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
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There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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