You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
