So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
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I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
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i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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