I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
