Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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