My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize