i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
