Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
