some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
