I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
