Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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