I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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