just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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