I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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