Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
