You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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