hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think weed is turning my hair brown
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
