I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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