don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
