Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
