just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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