burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
