I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
