I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
