last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
