Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
