You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
