the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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