Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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