when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
