Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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