Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
