I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
