I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
