it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
