Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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