Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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