So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
