I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
