She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
you never un-have a 4some
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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