New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
