The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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