ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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