I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
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I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I wish there were birth control emojis
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
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So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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