btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
