Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
