let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
