He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
soo... how was my night?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
