Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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